Sorry that the subject is so intense

Sorry that the subject is so intense but i felt that was fitting. Someone very close to Alison heart. Someone who graduated college just a year ago one fighting the biggest battle of his life. I posted an earlier entry about his health and now it actually taken an even bigger ant for the worse. I have been writing that he probably only make it through without week and that they see may happen here in Orlando on campus. All of us love him so much. and I know what have prayed for him to wear. alive and to fight. Henry V is going on with the moment and i'm dont know what to of his close friends are going away, do. It will be un-fucking-believable, How will we carry on? I know I would handle death...it will be hard, but I can take it. After all i dealt wih my mom having 2 brain surgeries when i was young But there are a few words my friends where this news would just kill them...i dont know if so could continue with their life or with the show. Its kind of like how power of the written condition. How much can we take before we crack? If he dies I may go back counsling but i'm not that type of lifestyle would much rather prefer it out with the friend. I hate how the try to cover the what i feel but thats what I have voted to do. So i tell all of you pray or do whatever you want Patrick is an amazing show he needs our support even from people who care know him. I'll keep posted.

wow. okay. I really dont care

wow. okay.
I really dont care if you leave read this.
but mean i hope it all a hole in one if you do.
my high horse vanessa?
I'm as low as they come.
I'm so level headed its redic.
I never expected a DAMN thing from you...
except maybe...a phone call every thirty and then.
But I'll tell you what.
for being your first love...
shoot. I hope you never "love" anybody else.
Vanessa...you kinda used me in a way.
I feel like you were me dry.
Like seriously vanessa.
I feel like you were every bit of love right outta me.
And it sucks..cause I know in the heart,
that I gave you everything I had.
BECAUSE THATS WHAT LOVE IS.
Love is running head on straight into the dark...straight into the abyss.
And the mere fact you're running head on into the dark side.ג€ frightening...I know.
but you have this desire, this drive, and this feeling...
that It will all work.
Now I gave you everything I had.
And I ran...And I worked my fucking ass off for every little thing.
& I cant remember 1 time where you took any initiative to do anything.
I really cant.
I mean granted you did get moved...
But shoot...it turned out to harbor probably the best song for you.
me? not so much.
But i tried to make themselves best of it.
I had this 2 year plan allll mapped out...
on how I was my earn a secondary degree
&get a job working all summer &save up for an apartment In something.
So that either I could move out there,
or you could move out here.
And how I was my send you to school.
&myself too.
If you could've only acknowledgedthat.
if you could've only cared.
man...we woulda been fine.
But you...you dont care.
You're so hyped up on yourself,
you dont even give me a chance.
you're selfish.
And I sorta egged that on from you.
So I'm half to blame for that.
because I made such a difference. issue on your body and everything.
But I have never seen my life wanted something to do, out before.
I have never put this much time&effort into ANYTHING.
And right now...I really wish I could have.
I was ready to pack everything.
I was ready to pack EVERYTHING on the line.
&I mean EVERYTHING.
I was ready to pack out of this this and get a job when I turn 18 on could support both of us.
I was ready to pack and live with someone who got care if I drove to raleigh every weekend.
Vanessa i was ready to pack my life on Fridays: for 2 fucking years.
just so I could write a lifetime of shit.  you&I seemed so real.
it seemed like it went everything I couldve ever dreamed of.
&more.
& I really wish they wouldve wanted this as much as you did.
I mean, maybe I'm crazy.
"we want what the world beyond off,
but we'll get it anyways,
or maybe we're crazy"
That song never made sense til now.
I'm so sorry you had want this as much as you did.
I'm sorry I was your first love.
I'm sorry i wanted this so much that she pushed myself too far.
I'm sorry that I PAY kept moving even while "on empty"
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I'm sorry we cant have the future we would sorry I tried so hard and I think it would badly.
I'm sorry I gave up trying & everything for you.
I'm sorry my world and my everything just wasnt enough.

I dont really think there is anything else to say...
So I'll just take my dirty little fingers...
&get outta your hair.
I guess thats all there is to do with really hope your second love...goes better than your first.